We all have our stories to tell
about life, love and relationships...
As a very quiet child I was one of those kids who stood in the background.
"I waited. I followed. I waited some more. I followed some more and so it continued for many years. I remained insignificant. I waited to be told what to do at school by the teachers and I followed the crowd not to be left out.
Even my older sister had to speak on my behalf because I had no voice or opinion of my own. Picture this. I’m in a sweet shop. My sister selects some penny sweets (yes you could get quite a few in those days!) and the shop keeper now asks what I want. I whisper, not wanting to look up and show my face and I reply - ‘same as her’. I guess thinking was too hard back then too!
At college I joined the ‘noisy’ group hoping that some of their extroverted qualities would rub off on me so that I too could feel important. In hindsight I wasn’t being authentic. I just wanted to follow and be the same as everyone else.
At work I would find the most popular person to latch on to and whilst the relationship between us was good, in a crowd I took a back seat.
It just made me feel even less significant because nobody saw my personality or rather I did not give myself permission to shine.
Yet I worked hard in all my roles and perfected everything as best I could.
The desire to be perfect meant that things took longer for me to complete at work. I would compare what I did with others and questioned whether what I’d produced was good enough. I was over sensitive to criticism and took things so personally that this would knock my confidence even more.
This wanting ‘to please and be perfect’ theme continued into intimate relationships. I would attract those that needed me most. I would sacrifice my needs (energy and time) to make them happy. The more I gave the more I believed they would need me more. I thought I could then get that level of significance I’d been striving to achieve for so long.
But something miraculous happened.
I got a grip on where I was going wrong. I was looking out there for approval and to feel loved without looking within.
I then spent timeout getting to know myself, liking and then loving who I was without the need for confirmation from others. I’d built up a strong relationship with myself so I was clear what was important to me in life, my personal strengths and my weak points. I started to appreciate my uniqueness. Having understood myself a lot more my confidence grew. I was happy being single because I was more than satisfied in just being me. I had so much love for myself that I relaxed and in time love found me.
Cliché as it may sound I’ve been on a journey of self- discovery. I’ve learnt what not to do. I’ve also learnt what to do more of and for these reasons I am passionate about helping single women, over the age of 35, get some clarity over what they want from a relationship"